Only a mother whose child has been snatched away from her knows the true meaning of suffering, she says. wet-eyes in the winter cold. he died in her lap. she felt his heartbeat, his dharkan, stop under her hand and knew it was over. he was special. he was hers. he is dead. three of us sit over the hot plate, leaning into its warmth. she finds solace at hostel where she works and talks to us. it helps her dull the pain. the yaad. When some of these girls leave hostel they take with them a piece of my being. khaleja. rone sa lagtha hai. Jab tum jaogi mein zaroor rongi. they all remember with much tenderness many of the previous inmates who kept aside food for them or gave them shawls in winter or asked for their ashirwad before leaving. kamala didi notes that some girls after they return from home dont even wish hera good year ahead but just ask for kamara safai. The one word that is repeatedly used is majboori. again. and again. Majboori hai.

She refers to her husband always as rakesh ke papa. he works 10 hour shifts at the metro for three thoudand rupees. Arthi is her papa's laadli. the thought of her inevetible and fast approaching marriage is greatly upsetting to him. he fights with rajwati accusing her for being in a rush to marry her off. slow down. whats the tearing hurry? But she knows there isnt much time. ladka chhooth jaiga. Aisa rishta phir se nahi aega.

I like sitting around with them. gupshup. bath-cheeth. They are very liberal with their love and affection. scolding me for not eating. for being pathli si and kamjor. for wasting my baap ka paisa by not waking up for breakfast. how easily they slip into the maternal role. eat well. sleep well. keep healthy.